October 2025 :: The Letters That Began With You

October 5

My dear Kid,

I don’t yet know whether you will be a boy or a girl, so for now, I simply call you my kid, my little miracle waiting to be known.

Your very first existence came to me as a complete surprise. It was a quiet Sunday afternoon. I was at the gym, just finishing some cardio, when your mother called. I ignored the first call; I didn’t want to lose my rhythm. But then she called again. This time, her voice was trembling. She asked me to come home immediately.

At first, I didn’t take it seriously. Just half an hour ago, she was perfectly fine. I even asked, half-distracted, if it is urgent. Her voice rose, panicked, so then I had to drop everything, leave the gym, and catch the next bus home.

It was around five o’clock when I stepped through the door. There she was, your mother, sitting quietly on the floor. I rushed to her, thinking maybe her blood pressure had dropped. I asked in a worried voice if her blood pressure was okay. She didn’t speak, just nodded and pointed toward the table.

There, lying still, was a small pregnancy test. Two red lines. I stared at it, confused for a moment. “What does that mean? Is it positive?” She nodded again, her eyes glistening.

And in that instant, I can’t describe it. My heart filled with something I had never felt before. My eyes blurred with tears. I knelt beside her, pulled her close, and kissed her gently on the head.

We sat like that for about thirty minutes. No words passed, only the beating of two hearts. Or maybe three. Was I the happiest person on earth at that time?

Ok, now after the beautiful, overwhelming moments, it was time for a reality check. And why not, because we live in Germany. Finding a specialist doctor can be a real pain in the ass. So I quickly grabbed my phone and started looking for a gynecologist. I thought if I could find someone within the range of two weeks, this should be fine, but what an incredible relief from Allah, we just found one the very next day. An Indian doctor right at the central station area. I truly can’t thank Allah enough. Could it be that you are the miracle we’ve been waiting for, a sign of Allah’s blessings for us?

This is the pregnancy test kit. That's how you came into our lives, my little one.

October 6

The day started very early. The appointment with the doctor was at 8:30 in the morning. We were naturally a bit nervous and very excited, so we arrived before eight. The doctor’s office was still closed, and we had to wait about twenty to twenty-five minutes until the receptionist arrived and assured us that the doctor was in.

The gynecologist was a very friendly and kind woman who instantly dissolved our tension with her warm smile and reassuring words. Your mother, especially, felt very relieved after the session with her. The doctor advised some good practices and prescribed vitamins. So far, so good.

Later that day, your mother and I planned the path for the upcoming days. She had already enrolled for the semester and had to move to Halle for the rest of the year. She was a bit hesitant about whether it would be a good idea to make the move, but finally, we decided she should continue her studies. We wanted to give you our full attention once you are born, Insha’Allah.

It would be challenging for her, but I was confident she would manage it. I even joked that if she studied hard during this time, our child would become a scientist someday.

We decided not to disclose the pregnancy to anyone except your chacha, at least until the very first ultrasonography. Your chacha had the right to know, as he is the closest family member living nearby and if anything happened, I could easily rely on him.

But you know your mother, she can never keep secrets, haha. Out of excitement, she shared the news with your khalamoni.

So, until today, only four people know about you.

October 7

Today was a bad day. I had a terrible fight with your mother in the early evening. Everything was going fine, but suddenly she got very angry with me because I went to the toilet wearing my outside shoes. She shouted and left me outside the house. I was very disheartened. I didn’t see it coming.

I assumed the real reason behind her anger wasn’t the shoes, but something deeper. Still, I decided to give her some space. I went to the gym and spent some time there. You know, I eat when I am upset, so afterward I went to the airport to check if KFC was open, but unfortunately it was already closed. The next best option was Ariyana, an Afghan restaurant near the central station that stays open until midnight. So I went there and had a good plate of Afghani pulao.

It was already one o’clock in the morning when I got home. Your mother was sleeping on the sofa. I didn’t want to bother her, so I went straight to bed.

October 8

The tense atmosphere continued today. Your mother went to Halle in the morning. She didn’t check on me, so I remained unbothered. I was still very annoyed with her.

Later that day, one of our friends called me. She lives in Berlin and is a very good friend of ours. Your mother had told her about the pregnancy, as the friend is also a mother, and the doctor had advised her to seek guidance from experienced mothers.

She congratulated me and asked how things were going. Your mother had also told her about our fight, so she tried to ease the tension and counsel me with some kind words and thoughtful suggestions. I honestly felt much lighter after talking to her.

October 10

Your mother arrived home yesterday evening. We still didn’t talk. But today, I had to break the silence. She was sitting quietly on the sofa after breakfast. I went to her and hugged her tightly. She said nothing but hugged me back. Tears rolled down her cheeks. I assured her that everything was fine and that we could forget what had happened.

I was right. The reason behind her anger wasn’t really about the shoes. She felt that I was overly worried after hearing about her pregnancy. And yes, it’s true that I have been worried. The news came so suddenly, and I have to manage all the finances and responsibilities that I wasn’t fully prepared for. That’s why I’ve been tense and overthinking but that doesn’t mean I’m unhappy. Why should I be? You are my heavenly gift from Allah.

After a long conversation, your mother felt relieved and began to act like her usual self again.

October 11

We went to Saarbrücken today with another couple. They are also good friends of ours and live in Frankfurt. We stayed in one of our office hotels and explored the city a bit. Honestly, the city was a bit boring, and there wasn’t much to see. I tried to be extra careful and attentive toward your mother. We did manage to take some nice photos, though.

October 14

Today, we had the first session with the midwife at home. Finding a midwife in Germany can be extremely challenging due to scarcity, but we were blessed to find one so quickly. It took only a day. Although I couldn’t join the session because of work, I heard from your mother that she is a friendly and kind woman who lives very close to our home.

We also shared the pregnancy news with our families today. Your mother couldn’t suppress it any longer. Your nana was very emotional. I wasn’t there when they talked, but I saw your nani giggling like a child after hearing the news. She was bursting with happiness. Your dida was also overwhelmed with joy, but her immediate response was, “When can I visit Germany again to take care of you?” Isn’t it wonderful to feel the blessings of family?

October 18

We went to a nearby city today to participate in a Bangladeshi event with some other fellow Bangladeshis living in Germany. Your chacha was also there, and he seemed to be extra attentive to your mother today.

Some of our very close friends were there as well. We thought about waiting to share the news with them, but then we realized we would miss the joy and happiness on their faces. And that wouldn’t have been a good thing. They were delighted and hugged your mother for several minutes.

We stayed there overnight.

October 19

We shared the news today with another set of very good friends. They stayed at our house tonight after the event. Their reaction was the same. They were absolutely delighted.

They have a small daughter. She is just over two years old. An incredibly cute and adorable little munchkin. While I was playing with her, laughing at her tiny expressions and endless curiosity, a quiet thought settled in my heart.

In just one year, I will be playing like this with you too.

October 20

Today is probably one of the most memorable days of my life. I saw you for the first time. Yes, probably not in flesh and bones, but in a negative photo.

We had our first ultrasound today. The doctor took us into the room and told me to look at the screen. And there you were, a tiny human being sleeping peacefully in your mother’s womb. She then played your heartbeat. It was the most pleasant sound on earth. I didn’t even realize I was weeping. Thanks to Allah for blessing me with such a moment.

The doctor then checked your mother’s health and other reports, and everything seemed okay.

There you are, my tiny bundle of joy.

October 21

I called your dadabhai today and shared the news with him. My relationship with him has not always been easy, perhaps one day, when you are older, I will tell you that story. When he heard the news, there was a long silence on the other end of the line. Then, slowly, I heard him begin to weep. Perhaps it was a tear of joy. He congratulated me and repeatedly asked about your mother, reminding me again and again to take good care of her.

October 23

What a frightening day it was today.

Your mother went to Halle yesterday to attend a single class and returned today. After sitting through a four-hour session, she boarded her train back but the train was delayed. While waiting, she began to panic. She called me, crying and terrified. She said she noticed some spotting and felt wet, and hearing that filled me with fear. In that moment, I felt completely helpless.

I tried to calm her over the phone while, at the same time, desperately searching for symptoms and reassurance asking ChatGPT, hoping for anything that would ease my mind. As the train’s arrival time approached, I went to the station to receive her.

The moment she saw me on the platform, she broke down. She hurried to the restroom to check if something was wrong. Those ten minutes felt longer than any ten minutes I have ever lived through.

Then I saw her coming out, smiling. In that instant, I knew everything was okay. There was nothing to worry about, at least for now.

Haha, my child, you almost gave us a heart attack today but alhamdulillah, everything is fine.

October 25

We invited a few close friends for dinner. They all live in or around Frankfurt. In that warm and joyful setting, we shared the news with them. The evening was filled with smiles, laughter, and heartfelt congratulations, making the moment even more special.

October 26

Today marks the beginning of a new journey for your mother and for me as well. She is moving to Halle to complete the remaining courses of her university studies. For the next three months, she will live in a shared apartment and attend her classes from there. We plan to visit each other every two weeks. Perhaps you will quietly grow into a little scientist in your mother’s womb while she sits in her lectures.

This was not an easy decision, especially given our current circumstances. I deeply admire her strength, determination, and commitment to finishing her education.

October 27

We arrived in Halle yesterday evening. The room is small but cozy, the apartment modest, and the neighborhood calm and welcoming. Her flatmate is a doctor, though he was not there when we arrived.

Today, however, brought the hardest moment leaving your mother behind. The morning was cold and overcast. As I walked out of the house, it felt as though I was leaving a part of my heart with her. I could not hold back my tears. Just weeks ago, in early September, when she registered for the semester and searched for an apartment before we knew about you, I had thought, Good, I’ll enjoy a little freedom at home while your mother is away. But Allah had a different plan. Now, without her, even a single moment feels unbearably long.

October 31

How can a long-awaited, wonderful day turn so unexpectedly difficult?

After four long days apart, your mother came back to Frankfurt today. I had been eagerly waiting for her. I cleaned the house and cooked her favorite dishes, imagining a warm and happy reunion. We talked for a while and then had dinner together.

During our conversation, I mentioned that my boss would be working from home next week, which means I might not need to go to the office in person. Hearing that, your mother asked why I could not join her in Halle and work from there. I tried to explain that, even though I may work from home, I still cannot simply leave my workstation or change locations so easily.

She did not seem convinced by my explanation and went to bed feeling upset.

That left me feeling deeply troubled. I had waited all week for her, hoping to spend a peaceful and joyful weekend together. Instead, I felt misunderstood as if my willingness and limitations were not seen, and as if I were being accused of not wanting to be with her.

Perhaps this is one of those moments when love exists strongly on both sides, but understanding momentarily falls short.

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